Quarter Life Crisis

This past week I had what I have now dubbed my quarter life crisis.  As many of you know I teach and I work in a restaurant to afford my true passion: horseback riding.  Horseback riding is a blessing and a curse.  It is a blessing in that it is the most rewarding, fulfilling, and enlightening activity.  I have an incredible group of people in my life because of it that I am grateful for every day.  And I have this amazing creature (Coco) that I look forward to spending my time with every day.  Further, it has taught me throughout my life to persevere, to overcome, and to challenge myself.

It is a curse because it is singlehandedly racking up my credit card debt which is leading to the inevitable gray hairs that I sense are coming soon.  This in spite of the fact that I have cut out all luxuries in my life (travel, concerts, festivities, dinners out with friends) and I'm working 15 hours days at two low paying jobs.

The other day, in a conversation with my assistant about how much all of this costs, she (with the best of intentions) said "If that's what you really love doing, I mean this with love, why are you working here?"  She had a damn good point... and it sparked my quarter life crisis:

Thought 1: I love teaching but it isn't want I ever intended to do with my life and it's not paying for what I really love to do.

Thought 2: Well I need to go back to school to get a job that will actually pay for horses.

Thought 3: But what if I rack up so many student loans that I can't afford horses even with that new job??

Thought 4: Well then I just need to publish a book or win the lottery with one of the lottery tickets that I never buy.

Thought 5: BUT WHAT IF NO ONE EVER PUBLISHES MY BOOKS AND I DON'T WIN THE LOTTERY WITH ONE OF THE LOTTERY TICKETS I NEVER BUY!?!

Thus, quarter life crisis.  I always was convinced that it would all just work out.  No, I'm not a religious person but if I love to ride I figured I was meant to ride and someday all this work would pay off and I would get to ride.  But what if it doesn't all just work out?  "What if" is a terrifying and dangerous question.

So now I'm trying to come up with a new "plan" for how to orchestrate my life to be able to afford horses.  Temporary Resolution: Start buying lottery tickets.