Quarter Life Crisis

This past week I had what I have now dubbed my quarter life crisis.  As many of you know I teach and I work in a restaurant to afford my true passion: horseback riding.  Horseback riding is a blessing and a curse.  It is a blessing in that it is the most rewarding, fulfilling, and enlightening activity.  I have an incredible group of people in my life because of it that I am grateful for every day.  And I have this amazing creature (Coco) that I look forward to spending my time with every day.  Further, it has taught me throughout my life to persevere, to overcome, and to challenge myself.

It is a curse because it is singlehandedly racking up my credit card debt which is leading to the inevitable gray hairs that I sense are coming soon.  This in spite of the fact that I have cut out all luxuries in my life (travel, concerts, festivities, dinners out with friends) and I'm working 15 hours days at two low paying jobs.

The other day, in a conversation with my assistant about how much all of this costs, she (with the best of intentions) said "If that's what you really love doing, I mean this with love, why are you working here?"  She had a damn good point... and it sparked my quarter life crisis:

Thought 1: I love teaching but it isn't want I ever intended to do with my life and it's not paying for what I really love to do.

Thought 2: Well I need to go back to school to get a job that will actually pay for horses.

Thought 3: But what if I rack up so many student loans that I can't afford horses even with that new job??

Thought 4: Well then I just need to publish a book or win the lottery with one of the lottery tickets that I never buy.

Thought 5: BUT WHAT IF NO ONE EVER PUBLISHES MY BOOKS AND I DON'T WIN THE LOTTERY WITH ONE OF THE LOTTERY TICKETS I NEVER BUY!?!

Thus, quarter life crisis.  I always was convinced that it would all just work out.  No, I'm not a religious person but if I love to ride I figured I was meant to ride and someday all this work would pay off and I would get to ride.  But what if it doesn't all just work out?  "What if" is a terrifying and dangerous question.

So now I'm trying to come up with a new "plan" for how to orchestrate my life to be able to afford horses.  Temporary Resolution: Start buying lottery tickets.

A Lesson in Humility

Today I had to run a rather mundane errand on my way home from riding my horse: I needed to go to the bank.  As I was turning on to the street that my bank was on I noticed a young blind gentleman who had gotten himself into a predicament.  Using his walking stick he had navigated his way into a fenced off construction zone and could not find his way out.

I pulled into a parking spot for the bank and had already resolved to backtrack and help him out.  As I walked up the block toward the corner he was on, I noticed about a dozen or so people waiting to cross the street and I almost turned back.  I figured that at least one of those people would notice his predicament and help him out.  The light turned, and every one of those people walked on having not helped the young gentleman or even acknowledged him.

I continued walking along to help him.  The whole time he struggled, he wore a smile.  whether it was out of embarrassment or out of entertainment at his own frustrating situation I did not know.  But to smile and persevere knowing you were on a crowded street corner where many people can see but no one is helping you takes incredible courage.

I reached him and asked if he needed some help.  He politely accepted and then I walked him to his final destination one block up from where we were.  Turns out he was a Colorado native and had recently completed his Masters degree at the University of Denver- he was quite a smart man.  I did not learn his name and he did not learn mine.

I left him at the barbershop which he had been trying to find with tears in my eyes. Yes, I do cry at pretty much anything but there was good reason this time.  The tears were for all the people who didn't help him, for the challenges he overcomes in his every day life, and for the simple human interaction I had because I happened to be on that corner at that time.  

This interaction was a great reminder for me.  Take the moment to help a fellow human, even in the simplest way.  It is not going to be any huge inconvenience on your life, and more likely than not you will bettered because of it.

Date a Girl Who Reads

I stumbled upon this quote today and loved it because it is so 100% totally and completely accurate.  I probably should have seen it a long time ago but here it is...

“You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

~Rosemarie Urquico